Lettre d'un chum secret d'une fille cosplayer

I have a confession to make: I am dating a cosplayer. You'll never
know exactly which one, because I am a secret boyfriend. And because I
am a secret boyfriend, I can't tell you my name or hers. This is
probably an issue that most of you know nothing about because—like
me—it's a secret. Yet it's an unavoidable fact that there are cosplayers
out there who say and act like they are single, but in reality have
boyfriends.
There are a lot of reasons why this might be. Just
because a cosplayer likes to share her costume work and photographs
online doesn't mean that she wants absolute strangers to know her
relationship status. It could be that the boyfriend doesn't want to be
included in his cosplay girlfriend's tweets and blog posts to protect
his own privacy. Or it might be because some cosplayers think that being
perceived as single—and therefore available—will help them gain
notoriety and 'fame.'
Now before you chop my head off and exclaim
that cosplayers don't in fact view being single as a way to get ahead,
before dating a cosplayer I knew nothing about the world within. Many
different types of people cosplay and they all have different opinions
and goals. There are cosplayers who are openly dating someone or
married. There are coplayers who are single. But there are also
cosplayers who are in secret relationships.
I am a secret
boyfriend and I'm ok with that. One, I don't really want to be included
in all of her tweets and blog posts, so I like it that she doesn't talk
about our private life online. Two, in our real lives I am not secret.
Her family and friends know about me, and mine know about her. But, when
it comes to her online cosplay presence...I might as well not exist.

I am a secret boyfriend and I'm ok with that.

After
following my girlfriend from con-to-con and getting to know a lot of
her cosplay friends, I noticed that even your favorite cosplaying
heroine (I don't want to ‘out' anyone so I will omit names) had secret
boyfriends and husbands. Often, I was surprised to find out which ones!
I
was also surprised to see how each relationship between cosplayer and
boyfriend differed. There were the cosplayers who were obviously there
to have fun and hang out with their boyfriends/girlfriends and were even
doing couples cosplay. There were the boyfriends tagging along on purse
duty. Sometimes a cosplayer would introduce the guy as her
boyfriend…and sometimes the cosplayer would introduce her boyfriend as
just ‘her friend.'
Now, before you think this is a rant, I must
make it clear that this is just an opinion piece, not an angry character
assassination. My significant other was a cosplayer well before I met
her, talked to her, dated her, and hooked up with her (not necessarily
in that order). So I knew the rules of the game before I entered them.
As with all relationships, ours involves compromise. It is 50/50; give
and take. I may not exactly always agree with being her hush-hush
boyfriend, but at the same time I understand, accept it, and support her
decisions out of love, the way she puts up with my snoring or excessive
video game playing.
At the same time, I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't bother me when a guy hits on my girlfriend at a convention right in front of me.
It can be enraging to read some of the comments her pictures receive
online. I don't always like it that she wears skimpy bikini costumes to
conventions and lets guys pose for photos with her. Dude, that's my
girlfriend!
Perhaps the one things that makes it all bearable for
me is when she isn't dressed up as your favorite anime girl, she is
dressed in normal clothes, and we go out to eat at normal restaurants
holding hands, holding normal conversation (barely!), kissing, and
letting the public know we are indeed together. She is smart enough to
separate the two and know that the person I entered into a relationship
with isn't the girl dressed up as a videogame character, but the REAL
her. That is the person I want to grow old with, etc. etc., NOT the
cosplayer.
Another thing that makes it bearable is that I trust
my girlfriend. She also doesn't flirt with other guys...in real life, at
conventions, or online. Keeping a relationship on the DL doesn't give
her license to flirt or lead on other guys...which is something that I
have unfortunately witnessed some cosplay girls doing.

Is it really necessary for cosplayers to keep their boyfriends secret? I'm not sure.

But...is
it really necessary for cosplayers to keep their boyfriends secret? I'm
not sure. When Justin Beiber announced he had a girlfriend, there
probably weren't too many girls so distraught they stopped being a fan.
Hugh Jackman is married and possibly gay, but that doesn't stop girls
from having a crush on him. So, if a cosplayer says she has a boyfriend,
would it REALLY make a bit of difference? Why the secret? Why make a
big deal about it at all?
At the same time, I admit that there
were times over the years that I lost interest in following a cosplay
girl online because she had a boyfriend or a husband.
Do we, as
guys, have a habit of viewing cosplayers in a way similar to strippers?
[And I'm really not comparing cosplayers to strippers here!! Cosplayers
aren't strippers!] Let me explain the metaphor: If you are a man and you
get a lap dance from a stripper, the possibility that she might
actually start liking you can attract you to spend more money and pay
more attention to her. If that stripper revealed she has a boyfriend or a
husband and five kids, would she still be attractive? Do cosplayers
need the attention and pandering of fanboys in order to feed into their
fame? Is it necessary for cosplayers to hide their personal
relationships in hopes it won't shatter the hearts and minds of her
dorky minionship?
Let's be honest folks, celebrities don't date
fans. Cosplayers don't date fanboys. I could go into some deep rant
'Barney Stinson style' about the rules of the universe, but that is just
the way it is. A guy going to a cosplayer's Facebook page and
commenting about how sexy she is and oogling at her boobs is the same as
going to a strip club and throwing money on the stage. It is just an
illusion. I support my girlfriend's hobby because it is something she is
passionate about and it is something I enjoy seeing her excel in. If I
am a member of the secret boyfriend club, well...so be it. I can either
be in a department store like Macy's or Neiman Marcus holding her purse,
or I can be at a convention watching her dressed up in a skintight
Catwoman suit holding her purse. The choice is fairly obvious. Besides,
I'm the one who gets to take her home in that suit.

[color:de61=grey)](Top photo: DK.samco | Shutterstock) This story originally appeared on cosplay site Takopop.